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The 3 Best Ways EVER to Get Followers

January 9, 2014

We all love followers, right? There is no better feeling than waking up and seeing a new follower or two on GFC (still my personal favorite) or BlogLovin (meh). Or perhaps you sit at work all day refreshing your screen every 5 minutes and wait for your followers to grow...
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Nonetheless, we all want grand blogs with stellar content that keeps everyone coming back for more. 

I have been a "lifestyle" Blogger for approximately 8 months now, therefore I know everything there is to know. 

Do you want more followers? Execute these 3 simple ideas:

1) Sell your soul.
Listen, Blogging is all about having the most beautiful pictures and showing off your amazingly clean house and your huba-roo who loves you more than life, worships the ground you walk on, and  feeds you breakfast in bed while rubbing your feet. Not to mention Jim Bob who is your 4 year old son and is currently training for the Olympics after piano, violin, and guitar lessons and currently reads on a 12th grade level. Don't forget the cheese pizza recipe that is only 12 calories a slice and will cause you to drop 45 pounds overnight. 

That is what we want to see. 

Do not write about your actual life, problems you have, obstacles you face, ideas, thoughts - none of that. Just give us the pictures and tell us how great your life is. That is what matters. 

2) It's all about the name brand
Like, ew. Who would not NOT wear designers? In order to post the above beautiful pictures that are a must on your blog, you have to have the props. Do you have a small house or apartment? List it tonight. Get out of there STAT. You need a big, extravagant house. Where else can you stage your amazing pictures? No one wants to see that skinny cheese pizza on a non granite counter. Furthermore, your clothes. You need to spend hours looking at fashion bloggers so you know what's in style. Don't forget your jewelry - Kate Spade all. the. way. A $128.00 bubble necklace is the one way to go, lady. If you don't have the cash for it, just take out another credit card. It's that easy. Then on your Erin Condren planner, make sure you pencil in (no, don't use a pencil, I'm sure there is a $45 pen on the market that is totes amaze) a daily Starbucks trip. Lastly, don't you dare post a picture with a bag less than a Coach. If you do not have money for those items, go in debt. Who cares? It's just a measly credit score.
Once you have all of this, you can then proceed with your amazing pictures. 

3) Don't pay your mortgage; host a giveaway instead.
Truthfully, your house will be OK without paying the mortgage for just one month. For example; if your mortgage is around $1,000 - imagine the giveaway you could host! Give away a Louis Vuttion bag, a laptop, or use all of that money towards a Starbucks giftcard - all of your followers could order as many mocha frap chocolate vanilla swirl latte's with nonfat creamer, skinny mint syrup, a dash of of Splenda with a hint of sugar, and a drop of lite cool whip on top as they want!

 Give something GREAT then your blog will be worth following. 


Giving away a Mercedes would be even better...


but lets not be outrageous here. 

**What fun is life if you can't laugh at yourself. I have Coach bags, Erin planners are cute, Starbucks is OK, I have grantite counter tops, and it would be so amazing if there truly was a pizza that was only 12 calories a slice. If you took any of this literal, please do not come back to my spot.  

42 comments

  1. Lol!! You are awesome and you crack me up. There are many blogs out there that I sometimes feel portray this unfortunately. I love your honesty, you're always inspiring to me! xoxo.

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  2. This is just about the best post I have ever read! Nail.On.Head.Love it!

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  3. Haha!! Help me I'm poor I can't afford name brands and my mortgage always gets paid first! ;) Show me a Victoria's Secret sale though and I BUY.ALL.THE.THINGS!!! :)

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  4. As I'm reading through I literally almost passed out from the lack of air I was getting. I finally was like I read this girls blog no way does she mean this stuff! Thanks for the disclaimer. You are to freaking funny!

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  5. This is great!!! I love love love this! You nailed it!

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  6. Hahahaha this is great (though I shouldn't be laughing because I am trying to turn DOWN my snark per my post today, oops!). I think these things all the time! Reading blogs makes me think that everyone has granite countertops and runs to Kate Spade on a whim and buys everything that is cute all the time. It's a good reminder that we all KNOW people paint life in a positive manner on their blogs, but there is always more behind the curtain.

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  7. This made me laugh! Though I do have an EC planner and granite countertops...but in defense, my house is not large and I really had to struggle to put that $50 toward the planner. LOL. Sometimes I see these bloggers with expensive clothing item after clothing item and I just can't fathom HOW...I'd be lucky to have ONE pair of $200 jeans in my closet...and you know what, I truly think fashion is in how you WEAR something, whether it was $10 or $100...not how much it costs. Because believe me, I've seen some fashion blog posts with all their expensive garb and think, "why in the hell would anyone ever wear that?" The money doesn't make the style, people. :-)

    www.styleoyster.blogspot.com
    www.thegymbunny.com

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    1. I totally agree!! Fashion is how you wear something and style isn't about money. Some designer stuff is absolutely hideous!

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  8. Bahahaha!!!!!! Girl, this is amazing! And so freakin true!! You hit the nail on the head with everything you just said!! I love reading blogs that I feel are "real", where someone can talk about how not perfect they are and relate to others, instead of trying to portray this perfect life, with the most perfect pictures! The incredibly clear, staged, and edited pictures all these bloggers post are so ridiculous...I just love my iPhone pics ;)

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  9. Love this! So agree with all of the points! Been a blogger since November & have found it such a shock to see what other bloggers do to get followers / likes! xoxo

    missvickiangel.blogspot.co.uk

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  10. Truth!!!! Hahah love the 12 calorie pizza and the granite countertops!! SO true hahahahaha. Love this!!

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  11. HAHAHA, this is awesome! Thanks for the laugh.

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  12. LOL!!! I love your blog! So glad I found you out here on the net!! HA

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  13. THIS was SOO funny! Thanks for the laugh! :)

    Lindi
    Sweet Southern Sparkle
    www.sweetsouthernsparkle.blogspot.com

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  14. LOL....I absolutely LOVE this!!!! made my morning...now I am going to go lounge on my 5,000 couch w. my designer duds while Breanna practices her amazing piano skills on our baby grand ;)

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  15. OMG! I love you! This is so how I feel. While I might fall victim to being a designer only handbag whore, I have been that way long before blogging. I just love my MK bags and I wont have any others. But sometimes when I am taking pictures around my house I think gosh....people probably wonder where all my money goes. I am just wearing this clearance Loft shirt, a $5 necklace from five years ago Target clearance and my not granite counters looking sad in the background haha. I hate when everyone tries to look so darn perfect all the time. It just isn't reality! Though, I guess if you are fashion or design blogger...that is what you do. Where do they get their money?!

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  16. Thank you for this hilarious and honest post! Especially as a newbie blogger sometimes it is intimidating seeing all the crazy expensive giveaways and majorly high end products!

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  17. Bahahaha I can't tell how much I loved it . This is accurate ;)

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  18. hahahaha I frickin' love you!! I mean don't forget about the perfectly behaved puppy who didn't chew up your LV because you left it on your beautiful done tile floors?? This is the answers I have been looking for to grow my blog!!! Happy Thursday darling

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  19. LMFAO! Love this! Exactly why I aim for readers rather than followers! :)

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  20. This is perfect, Liz!!! Now the only problem I have is that I already sold my soul during a gnarly pregnancy scare in '09, so it looks like I'll have to host giveaways.

    Anyone interested in a couple cracked iPhones and a Starbucks card with $4.87 on it?

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  21. Love it, but you already knew that ;)

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  22. hahaha you know my feelings on this. brilliant.
    i love the person that commented that kiki la rue is crap. literally do not understand the big deal about those clothes. bleh.

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  23. lmao! This is awesome! As I was reading this, I was thinking...omg she HAS to be kidding... I love!

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  24. This is too funny! I literally laughed OUT loud at work. The other employees started looking at me. haha
    It kind of is how alot of bloggers are though! xoxo you are a genious & i dig it
    showeredwithdesign.blogspot.com

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  25. Brilliant!! I am living in a condo and rocking a 2001 Honda like it's my job!

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  26. hahaha I love this! We are nothing if we can't laugh at ourselves. Although I do own majority coach bags, I can't help it that i'm so popular, ok? lol

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  27. Don't forget your Valentine Stud Pumps and a Celine Bag. :) Ha ha...I love this. I am guilty of some things but I never try to get followers via those damn rafflecopters. Those are fake followers wanting to win a prize...I want people who might actually read my blog and become friends.

    Great post! xo

    Jill
    Classy with a Kick

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  28. OMG. I absolutely love this! Best thing I've read all day.
    The Grass Skirt

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  29. This is absolutely hilarious! And, sadly, almost spot on on occasion ;D

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  30. hahahaha oh my!!! Happy Weekend to you!!

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  31. At first I skimmed over this and was like is this chic forreal. I guess I suck at life. But I reread it and laughed my butt off. Girl you got yourself a new follower for being down to earth!! loved it!

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  32. Love it and SO DANG TRUE. It's like some of these bloggers just follow a formula, and the sad thing is that it works!

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  33. Hilarious. My favorite is the extreme expensive jewelry. I can't hang with that.

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  34. Haha this is awesome...sometimes when I read blogs, I think, how in the world is this person's life so flashy?! Some weekends the most exciting thing I do is start a new pinterest board haha

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  35. Thank You!!! When I started Blogging back a hundred years ago it was simply to share my life..I had no concept or gimmick and I could find others like myself. I took a little time away and now it seems that almost all the blogs have thousands and thousands of followers, and giveaways, and are "picture perfect" I can't hang with that...I'm real. That's why my blog is a ghost town right now!

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